CROWN

You Can’t Get No Satisfaction

I think my mum has unrealistic expectation of me.

I work full time and have night classes and she complains about me spending so little time at home/ with her; When I have the time, I go out, when I’m home I’m studying. Hence, whenever she wants to talk to me (about the housing, about mortgage), it’s always the wrong timing. I mean seriously, there are so many times I’m so absolutely free and idling, but she doesn’t talk to me, but when I’m studying she’s ALWAYS, ALWAYS interrupting, failing to realise I’ve only 24 hours a day.

I mean seriously, what do people want? They want every fucking thing they can think of from you.

Don’t do this, don’t do that.

Don’t spend too much time outside home.

Don’t be late.

Don’t delay my work.

Don’t cuss (fucking fuck, fuck. there you go.)

Don’t spend too much money.

Don’t eat too much.

Don’t drink too much (as if I do. It’s only during festive season, for fuck’s sake.)

Don’t be a homo, because it’s unnatural, it’s against God’s will. Because Khong Jiao Wei pastor wrote a 7 fucking page long of column, because “We cannot condone it”. BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE. FUCK ALL THESE SHIT. 


Looking back, it’s easy to see when a mistake has been made… to regret a choice that seemed like a decent idea at the time. But if we used our best judgement and listened to our hearts, we are more likely to see that we chose wisely, and avoided the deepest, most painful regret of them all – the regret that comes from letting something amazing pass you by.

Meredith Grey'Take It Back'
(Season 10, Episode 13)


humansofspore:

"Is there something you’ve learned from fishing you can apply to real life?""Yes. Don’t take things too hard if it doesn’t go your way. There’s always plenty of other fish in the sea. And learn to let go. Because sometimes the fish might bite so hard that something breaks away. But that’s okay - you’re still alive aren’t you?"
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humansofspore:

"Is there something you’ve learned from fishing you can apply to real life?"
"Yes. Don’t take things too hard if it doesn’t go your way. There’s always plenty of other fish in the sea. And learn to let go. Because sometimes the fish might bite so hard that something breaks away. But that’s okay - you’re still alive aren’t you?"


Part 1

Haven’t written a post for the longest time ever; tumblr is all about pictures and illustrations, further emphasizing the phrase “a picture is worth a thousand words”, but not so in its entirety.

Well, so today 22 Feb 14, the first thing I saw after returning home from school (really sucks to have work and school on saturdays..) were the stacks of flattened card boxes and bubble wrap and immediately I gave out a sigh, before continuing to lock the door.

it is beginning to dawn on me that we are shifting out of this home of ours for 18 over years and if God is ever so merciful, we would be able to find back a flat within the vicinity.

My room… god… my room… I don’t even know where to begin packing all these things that were collected over the years. What to throw away and what to keep.. decisions decisions decisions. Seriously, I think if my memory serves me well at all, I could do a “stroll down memory lane” crap with all the items laid out nicely with the year tagged to it. My transitions and different phase in life are all pretty well documented by, what may seem like, random objects in my room and to be completely honest, I think I might be a closet garang guni. Haha.

But all good things or the lack of thereof, come to an end. It was the end of the road for my parents’ marriage and hence the sale of this flat. Some things… are just not meant to be and their marriage was a mistake from the get-go, resulting in this modern day tragedy (being really dramatic here, just bare with me). 

I really thought a lot about this decaying relationship of theirs and wondered if we would have been any different if she had chosen to leave my dad when I was younger - too young to understand any of these complicated human crap. Would my perspective of him and marriage be any different? I would perhaps had a better impression of my dad as compared to now. You know, he was someone I waited for, like a knight in shining armor, before I go to bed every night, simply because I was afraid of the dark. But over the years, as I grew to understand his vices and unfaithfulness towards my mum and this family, resentment sank its roots in me and it grew and grew, like toxic weed.

The lesson I’ve learnt through the lives of these 2 human beings is, never to stay in a withering relationship. You can try working things out, but at the end of the fucking day, if it just doesn’t, you have to end it. Because dragging on and staying in it will cause more unhappiness and bitterness and it’s extremely detrimental to all the parties involved, children included.